What the United States, Louisiana, a Zombie, and the LCMS Have in Common

There may be many more than one thing these all have in common, but I can only think of one.  They refuse to call things what they are.

The United States, or more properly the Obama administration, refused to call the military overthrow of a democratically elected ruler a coupe because that meant the U.S. would be forced to hold back over a billion dollars in aid to Egypt.  The State of Louisiana refused to call floating casinos gambling institutions because the constitution expressly prohibited gambling in the state. The law legalizing gambling called it gaming.

You seldom see a LCMS church admitting they practice open Communion.  You will find that among the ELCA, the Methodists, and others. I sincerely applaud their honesty.  Among the LCMS you will find people practicing close Communion and calling it closed.  They report to visitors what the LCMS believes about Communion and leave it up to them decide whether to commune. More practice open Communion but won’t call it that. They call it responsibly administering Communion or even administering Communion according to Scripture and the Lutheran Confessions.

This is laughable.  This is reminiscent of the decadent time of the Judges when the son who stole 1,100 pieces of sliver from his mother was called blessed by the Lord rather than a thief.  It’s never a good thing when the insanity that the world swallows is found in the church.

What about the zombie?  That comes from a Sprint commercial.  A zombie walks into a cell phone store to ask about their lifetime unlimited talk, text and data guarantee.  He’s making zombie sounds and has the desiccated, deformed flesh and face of a zombie. He asks the salesclerk if their unlimited plans apply to someone “who say technically was not alive like maybe you were undead.”  She replies, “You mean like a zombie?”  He says, “Whoa let’s not go putting labels on people.”  The punch line is that his ear drops off and then he quickly, shamefacedly says, “I’m a zombie.”

A zombie has more integrity than pastors and congregations practicing close or open Communion and refusing to be called what they are.  It will take more than an ear dropping off of them for them to admit what they are.  Hopefully, it won’t take as much as the weakness, sickness, and death St. Paul warns of.



About Paul Harris

Pastor Harris retired from congregational ministry after 40 years in office on 31 December 2023. He is now devoting himself to being a husband, father, and grandfather. He still thinks cenobitic monasticism is overrated and cave dwelling under.
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